Radiation Therapy, Inner Voice, Hair & Toes

The Good / Bad Thing...

Second radiation treatment done!

This is the picture of the radiation machine:

It moves in a circle around you to do a CT (low level) scan every single time to line up with the original scan so you are in exact placement every single time.  I'm on the table maybe 10 minutes total.  It goes around, then based on the original scan they superimpose pictures and then correct alignment so it's perfect and then I'm irradiated... a few seconds.

Back in the old days they would focus a beam on you and it would go straight through your body.  Of course it wreaked havoc with other organs, bones, etc.   These days it's much more refined and they have the ability to arc the beam so it can curve.  This is a good thing, the other end of the beam just goes into the floor.  For real.  He did warn me that because my tumor was against my chest wall they will make every effort possible to not hit my lung... but it might.  That would be bad.

I nailed the doctor down today, I get 5 1/2 weeks of daily radiation for the whole breast, and then a week and half of booster treatments to the tumor/surgical site.  This is standard for tumor "margins" that were as close as mine.

I saw one of my chemo buddies today there.  It was nice to chat with her.  She is Stage 1 breast cancer.  I'm sure I'll be seeing her for awhile.

I was talking to David about hindsight and if I had known how things were going to play out I would have done some things differently in regard to my care.  BUT... I had a great surgeon who right from the beginning didn't think I had cancer... was surprised my biopsy came back positive... did my surgery and was surprised how invasive the cancer was... and all the lymph nodes were affected and hard little rocks.  She said I would have to come back for surgery but right then had to get me systemically treated.  I wanted the surgery to happen right away!  I wanted both breasts gone!  Right now!!!  No.  Chemo first.  You know the rest.  Ca-rap.

I'm well endowed, okay?  Yes, I am.  Without getting too freaking personal I will say that I'll end up with my right breast shrunken and rubberized.  I will never match again.  In my youth I had awesome titties.  Sorry for that crassness (kind of)... but that was long ago and far away.  My breasts now... well, lets just say they behave much differently.

David:  Small price to pay.
Me:  That's my optimistic man.
My inner voice:  Oh... fuck that shit!!!

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Still have headaches post stopping the Anastrozole, but they are much better.  So grateful for that!

Took this pic right now, my hair is growing in... look at the silver...  Good thing!

Grossness ahead:  This is your warning!!

Need to see podiatrist.  Toenails are lifting up, separating from the nail bed, and curving insanely!  This is a direct side effect of the chemo I was on.  This is why I said I'll probably be losing some toenails. Horridly dry in spite of constantly being moisturized.  First two are from right foot, second two from left foot.  This, yes, you guessed it... it's a bad thing...

Misery.  My feet used to be cute.  And as my friend Abigail once said:  remarkably unmarred.

<sigh>