e-jə-ˈkā-shən

I'm about to wrap up my fifth week of radiation tomorrow.  I had a CT scan today to determine what type of "booster" radiation they will do starting next Friday (I think... the dates are fuzzy...)  They drew lots of pictures on my chest again today and talked about photon -vs- electron treatment.  This is the picture I had in my head:

After the scan goes to the doc he decides based on my diagnosis and other info how they want to do this booster treatment.  Apparently through all the years of breast cancer data the recurrence of cancer is near, or at the previous tumor site.  I didn't research this, this is what I was told.  This is why they do the booster to the specific tumor site.  Mine was right up against my chest wall so who knows.  I did look the types of radiation up, this is what I found:

"A high-energy photon beam is by far the most common form of radiation used for cancer treatment.  It is the same type of radiation that is used in x-ray machines, and comes from a radioactive source such as cobalt, cesium, or a machine called a linear accelerator.  Photon beams of energy affect the cells along their path as they go through the body to get to the cancer, pass through the cancer, and then exit the body."

"Electron beams or particle beams are also produced by a linear accelerator.  Electrons are negatively charged parts of atoms.  They have a low energy level and don't penetrate deeply into the body, so this type of radiation is used most often to treat the skin, as well as tumors and lymph nodes that are close to the surface of the body."

I'm not sure what criteria cements the decision, but for me it's just a crap-shoot.  And I keep hearing Stings lyrics in my head- "deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon-14, we work the black seam together."

When I saw the doc on Tuesday everything looked beautiful (I'm talking skin, the skin was good).  My whole breast HURTS, and sometimes with stabbing pain.  On Wednesday I was in pain all day and night, didn't sleep much... and there is a spot that is not looking good.  Of course I will watch this spot and my armpit, also bad, like a hawk!  I did get some cotton sleeveless tees to wear under the bra.  Yes.  Under.  They tell you to do this.  Stay well lotion'd with Aquaphor or Aloe, and keep things dry at the same time.  I'm sure there's a balance there but it's hard to find and maintain.  I do know my skin looks awesome compared to my radiation mates who have open, weeping skin.

Today, Thursday, is a better day.

Friday is radiation and chemo day.  I plan to spend the weekend being stupid.  All I can do is go with it.

Okay... I'm THERE!