Interesting just this week- Wednesday morning I woke up from my sleep and was in, I'm not sure, in a place... a blank place. Then there was pain from my breast and burns and suddenly it all became clear. It's true. It all really happened. I cried.
Today I woke up thinking it was the weekend. Where's David, I thought? He never gets up before me. Is he sick? Did I snore or something and he got up to sleep on the couch??? Several minutes later I realize it's Friday and David's at work. I didn't hear him get up or leave like I usually do. D'Oh!
Early onset Alzheimers? More PTSD? Just losing my marbles.
It's chemo day and I get to see a doctor I really like, I've seen him only 3 times when my doctor was out, but man... he's just so great. The guy just exudes compassion. I think that's remarkable especially for an oncologist. Yes, they all care, this is a specialty they have a passion for. He's a little more inclined to not have that usual "distance" though. I respect that immensely. I haven't been here for 3 weeks so several things have come up during this time. I saw a gastroenterologist for some throat issues I was having and she didn't like a lot of my blood work she had done. "Something needs to be done with your anemia, talk to your oncologist!" It's borderline and the oncologists haven't been worried about it, it looks good to them, but not to the GI doc. I have an appointment with my regular oncologist in 2 weeks. We'll let her figure it out. Vitamin D is really low... like, in the basement low... like, halfway to China low... GI doc says talk to your PCP, which I did and am doing the mega weekly dose for 2 months and then we'll figure it out from there.
The really big issue (for me) is the growing pain from my right hip. It's been creeping up for a couple of weeks now (honestly probably longer but I sometimes tend to minimize, you might think that's funny because so many awful things are going on with me that I report... but it's true nontheless). It was so painful that I had to use my cane all day yesterday. Had extreme trouble going up and down stairs. Perspective is an interesting thing here because you have to remember I have very painful burns going on right now, have 4 more burns than the last posting. I tend to look at the whole picture- okay, I'm already in a lot of pain so all this pain is just boosting the other pain... a big ol' ball of pain synergy... If they were all by themselves maybe the story would be different? Crazy rationalizing, huh? It's so hard to tell sometimes. Anywhom... (as my son would say) The doc today did some pressing here and there and said you know... it wouldn't hurt to get some tumor markers and another PET scan.
Criminy.
As I've said several times before... when you have cancer and other little things pop-up it means... more cancer. As in a bone metastasis! MFSM!!! I can't help it! My brain went right there! Large marrow producing bone! Cripes! Geez, I amaze myself sometimes. I got a shot of Toradol to see if it would help before I even left the office. It did... a little.
In the interest of full disclosure my RA has been bothering me... pretty much all over my body, hands, ankles, they all just want to snap off. But this hip... I'm tellin' ya... It was so bad last night (and I did tell the doctor, yes I did) that I took a measly 1mg of a steroid I had (for my throat), just to ease the pain. Did it help, he asked? Why yes, yes it did. Still pain, but not as bad. He considered for a moment giving me more, but I don't want to go there. As soon as you go there it's likely you stay there and I'm not ready for that. So I'm recommended to go back to a Rheumatologist. Okay, that I can do. [Aside: then my head goes to a 5-year flare-up of the 90's and all the meds I was on for that. Don't want to revisit that but... will do what I must]
It's very difficult to determine what is separate, and what is caused by something else, or an adverse effect. Mind boggling.
I'll just keep plugging along. I do know the burn pain will end, just not as quickly as I would like. The rest- it's a crap shoot.
Well... maybe not clueless... but even for them it's hard to determine some things. Doctors are, after all, really good and educated guessers.
My sister Sharon who has been diagnosed with cancer a couple times - she is the same way. Every ache and pain she is sure it's cancer...again. Thankfully, we are just getting old. hmm....that's an interesting statement - I've been feeling pity-me for getting old and I guess that is actually a good thing. Let's keep getting older - okay? Keep an eye on nutrition, get those vitamins in missy. Love you bunches and miss you all the time. Even if I don't come visit.
ReplyDeleteThanks, CC. We are getting older indeed, and have no choice in the matter. It's hard separating it all out when so many things are going on. At some point all will be clear.
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