Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe

Things We Need

Since my current adventure started I have been wearing a necklace given to me by a family member years ago, it's a pendant of Our Lady of Guadalupe.   I think all Chamorro's are Catholic.   : )   My aunt said:  "Whatever you believe in, Mary is always your mother."  The back says "Pray For Us."  It's silver with an aged patina, the picture does not do it justice.  I wear it everyday.

You know no one... including the Spanish... knows how "Guadalupe" got attached to this icon exactly... a mystery for another time. 

I was reading on Anne Lamott's FB page about how she always wears a Miraculous Mary on a chain along with another pendant that says "God's got it" and so feels semi-okay most of the time.  

I feel much the same.  There is comfort in something so small.  It's a little inexplicable but true nonetheless.  A family thing, a spiritual thing, something tangible to touch when needed to remind you, yes, you're still here and it's okay.  I am comfort.

This last chemo has kicked my ass, and yes, I'm sure further down the road new heights will be hit with this.  Though I haven't... and that's something to be said, all I want to do is vomit.  What little energy is there is spent on NOT vomiting.  It's a delicate balance.   You can never tell what's going to set it off.  A scent, a food, the refrigerator, the cat food, someone else' lunch at work, a perfume, holding too much fluid in your mouth when you're brushing your teeth, someone's breath, their scent, a car, outdoors, indoors.  Get the drift?

And then there's the fatigue.  All I want to do is sleep, including while driving.  Okay, we won't go into that, I carry apples and/or carrots to help keep me awake.  It's the only thing that works.  BUT... all I want to do is sleep.  What?!  I have to drag by butt across the room???  Noooooo!  I don't feel like chatting on the phone.  I don't feel like doing anything at all.  I'm barely coping right now with myself.  I'm hoping to feel better soon, the week following chemo... not good.  I did manage to get a good amount of food in me today at lunch, and felt the boost from that.  Auspicious sign.  Nutrition works!

I am hopeful for next week.  Things should be tasting better, going down easier, and I should be feeling better.  I plan to sleep this weekend.  

I've got Mary on my side.