A Tiny Ode to Tami
In the early 2000's I really loved the daily inspirational quotes from Mary Manning Morrissey. For the most part they really spoke to me. One of my favorites that I have shared with coworkers is the one about how St. John of the Cross coined the phrase "the dark night of the soul," it's a book in fact. It was about that in-between space where your old life doesn't work anymore and you haven't quite moved into the new one. I always thought that so a propos for folks newly in recovery, trying to find their feet in a new reality. Oh, and hello? That's where I am right now. Trying to find my feet.
I went to get my head shaved and my hairdresser Tami (not sure how she spells her name!) greeted me with a hug. I sat in the chair and she got the clippers out. "Wait! No cutting it short first??? You just start clipping???" Apparently you do. It was a little like the scene in GI Jane. Tami had never seen that movie but she probably will now. She said I had a nice round head. And yes, it felt good to feel my scalp in this new way. I put a temporary wig on that I had, it looked horrible but would get me home. We got up to the counter and though I was prepared to pay she smiled and backed up and said no, she couldn't take any money. I fussed with her a little, and she was so sweet not allowing me to pay her anything. We hugged again, she gave me her email to keep in touch and I was off. It will be a least a year and a half before I see her again. I cried all the way home.
I've been crying ever since... in between distractions.
I had a sore throat on Friday, it had been sneaking up for a couple of days and presented itself in full force. I still had to go see the oncologist regardless for blood work. And the good news is (despite my reality) the blood work came back favorable, meaning, I was a little anemic, and a little something else, but overall, it didn't destroy me! Yay! I get to continue! She gave me gold stars for tolerating the chemo! Except... why... well I had a lot of questions, the biggest was how do you measure progress? Do you just do a known chemo plan based on past successes and hope for the best, or is there a way of knowing. I have friends to have 3, 5, 10 year checkups who say they passed and are cancer free, how do they know? Answer: There is no way of knowing really. So, unless a problem arises that indicates something is going on you just hang onto that hope.
Alrighty then.
My eyesight has gone south, reading, and computer vision. She said that was probably because of the steroid (and emotionality too, I'm sure). You get lots of meds with your chemo, and that's probably a good thing. I've essentially never had heartburn in my life, I do now, so I get a pill for that too. I did find out the chemo is out of the body within the first 48+ hours. Really? It's the effect of that chemo that's so long standing. I'm always queasy. Always. Erin, thank you, the Queasy Drops work! I think the Ginger Gum works so well because it's so hot in my mouth it distracts me.
My port (this picture is from this morning) still hurts a little, is tender, and you can still see the bruising.
Had my first lone grocery store adventure on Saturday, David is at a conference. There I was in the baking isle when suddenly I got hot (threw my
Have I ever mentioned I have a 15 lb Norwegian Forest Cat with an eating disorder?
I do. Mama has not been feeling good so I've been lazy and giving him a lot of crunchy food, good crunchy food, but I'm usually a good mama and feed him wet food (human grade good food). I decided I needed to put him back on his wet food diet and he will have nothing to do with that. No, I won't eat. So I get him this new food that's specifically for finicky eaters and he stands 4 feet from it and sniffs the air... and walks away. Okay, he hasn't eaten in 24 hours so I go get a spoon to feed him that way... to get him started... and look back... he's eating. A little. Okay, licking. We're having the same struggle today. He's worse than a teenage girl. I see feeding him in my immediate future. I get zero breaks from this cat. He's so freakin' gorgeous that in the midst of frustration he's so dang endearing.
Life goes on right? I'm taking one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I'm getting a crash course in a new life and it moves faster than my usual slow pace. I love slow, I have a deep appreciation for slow. Hard to keep up, you know?
No comments:
Post a Comment