Being a Turnip

I've had a bit of a respite from chemo whilst dealing with government agencies and insurance, retirement funds and assorted issues.  What I learned during this time was that fatigue does not go away quickly, though David and I took a little walk and I got a little more than halfway around the block before it really bothered me.  No, no... that's great considering 2 months ago I would not have even made it to the corner... and would have crumpled in a heap... "get the car!"  I grew some peach fuzz on my head and body... feels very weird.  David has gotten used to my bald head and gives me head rubs all the time... I can't tell you how blissful that is... absolutely transported out of my body!  Excellent!

I was ready to resume treatment last week but alas, the doc was out all week.  Figures.  So today was scheduled, I go in, I've lost 10 lbs since my last visit.  I thought I would have gained weight during this time but no... and that makes a total of 36 lbs altogether since chemo started October 3rd, '14.  Embarrassed to say I need to lose much more.  I'm cool.

I sit in the familiar chair and they access my port that is being rather stubborn.  After 3 or 4 flushes and a couple doses of Heparin they still aren't getting any blood back!  A staff member comes to get me and they decide to have me see the doc but gave me one more Heparin flush.

So there I am... waiting for the doc... and I hear an office staff say to her: "Miss Ramona is being a turnip and she's soaking in Heparin."  Too funny, I love that!  Doc says 5 weeks off chemo is not bad, a year... yes, but all is well and we'll just continue on with the chemo.  I have some breast pain during this time, the stabbing kind and at odd moments.  The neuropathy is still alive and well in both hands and feet, her nose wrinkled at this, we both were hoping it might get better with the time off... but, no.  So... we march on... I need cloud sandals.  Still can't wear shoes, and even as I'm writing this my feet are hot and sensitive and have fine little needles in them.  Oh, and it took several more tries of flushing and Heparin before they could get that dang blood.  Turnip.  Indeed!

My sister called last night and 86 year old mom has breast cancer.  WTF!  So, to say I have an unconventional relationship with my mother is to put it mildly.  I don't *have* one with her much at all except very cordial... from a distance.  Please trust me, this is for a reason, my own mental health. And it DOES NOT apply to other family members.

So...

I spazzed out.  (Sorry Trudie)  I did.  I spazzed.

"Spazzing Out"- Uncontrollably freaking out (may involve flopping around like an awkward fish or just screaming for no APPARENT reason).

Yep.  There is a reason for this response which I won't share here.

I'm calm now...

and...