Up and at 'em! (not)

Saturday Morning

Up early, the wicked steroids!  I got my taxes done though!

Where we are this week:  I seem to be hypersensitive to Taxol and the neuropathy continues to increase, though by small increments.  Doc says if it worsens much more we may have to lower or even skip a dose and she really does not want to do that.  I waddle around because it hurts so much to walk on the ultra sensitive feet!  If you could imagine walking around in wire mesh socks you have an idea.  No, barefoot is no easier.  I do try to wear pretty fine weave socks but that's the best I can do and still the feets... they hurt!  Hands hurt, again, ultra sensitive, numbness and tingling.

The Perjeta is the culprit that has caused the rash on my hands and new rash that appeared yesterday on both upper arms.

My voice comes and goes... chemo inflammation...

I was not able to work the entire week last week, as most have guessed.  Slept for 3 days and tried to recuperate and eat on Thursday.  Friday is chemo day of course.  I can be this sick and still feel guilty about missing work.  I understand all the dynamics at work here, still... I know it makes it harder for my coworkers.

Brief moment for auspicious news, when driving north near Elma yesterday I saw a Bald Eagle sitting in a tree viewing the field.  I love those moments, and have had a least one really memorable moment with an eagle... but I digress... I didn't stop to take a picture but it looked just like this one:

The issue of food- nothing tastes right.  Nothing.  So anything I put in the system is only fuel (this is where I add that I wish could have viewed food this way my entire life, but NO!  Too decadent!).  Love food!  For the most part sweets don't work for me at all, or on a very limited basis, it really ebbs and flows.  Soups are good, especially Miso.  Protein as in steak, beans, chicken texture is kinda weird right now, tofu is good.  Vegetables- good to a point.  Fruit- love melons, all of them!  They go down the best.  Sometimes, nothing works at all.  Liquids I have the hardest time with, to the point of dire consequences.  There is no magical fluid.  Had a Vitamin Water drink last week that went down pretty well.  May try a few more and see how it goes.  Continue with my Boost.

Sunday Morning

I started this in the wee hours of Saturday morning, it's now Sunday morning and I laid in bed the longest time just not wanting to get up.  Everything hurts.  Just don't want to move.  Os heard me stirring and came in to greet me, purr for me, nudge me.  So I'm up and the race is on to get the diarrhea under control before it starts, take meds, take tylenol so my feet don't hurt quite as bad, lotion them up.  Try to get some coffee down so I don't get that withdrawal headache.  Take care of the rashes and try to get my head in a place of acceptance.  Sunday starts the prep for the next week, and for me it's in ultra-slo-mo.

This is not forever.  It's not forever.  And the tears start.  I'm tired.